I always had this belief in the notion that, every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
When finding myself faced with many of life's challenges I realized that all of those people I would go out of my way for and help would not necessarily be there for me in my time of need.
Whether it's something simple like giving me a ride when you are heading in the same direction or borrowing money when I have no food in the home.
I believed that they deserve my help; not because I am better off, but because we are all human.
And I forget that sometimes people have to be given the opportunity to deal with consequences of their own actions and that you can't always fix everything.
I have also learned that you can not always help someone to the detriment of your own good.
When in the long run, 'maybe not the near future' you are doing yourself an injustice.
This is not only to save yourself from the consequences that helping others would have on your life, but it gives them the opportunity to learn from their actions and grow.
I have experienced first hand that when life beats you down those same people you rescued along the way are the people who will trample on you while you are down. Walk on and never look back.
This is my WAKE UP CALL!!
Time to detox my life from all the negative people and experiences in my life and putting my needs first.
Mark Twain said that you should,“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”
But more than just not being there for you in your hour of need, negative people in our lives as far as I see it also holds the following qualities.
The Toxic person is someone who:
- Complains and dumps their problems on you but doesn't do anything to change their situation.
- Someone who is not supportive.
- Someone who makes you feel bad.
- Someone who shoots down your bright ideas, big goals, or bold (and risky) decisions that you need to make in order to be successful.
Firstly: You must decide that you are worth it!
- What are my goals and how badly do I want to achieve them? Are these people supporting my goals or slowing me down?
Secondly: Identify the toxic folks!
- Toxic people make you feel worse than when you started talking to them. They bring your energy level down. They leave you feeling bummed out.
- There is a difference between someone sharing with you their struggles and challenges vs someone who constantly complains. The difference is someone who is genuinely struggling is willing to listen to constructive feedback and is open to change (and does change). Conversely, whiners and complainers don’t want to change and just want you to feel sorry for them.
- Toxic people can fall within the spectrum of being subtly draining to all around toxic and hostile (read: openly critical of you). But even if they fall on the less severe end of the “toxic people spectrum”, they will still bring you down. People don’t need to be outright poisonous to affect you negatively.
Thirdly: Let them go!
This however has come to ring not so true. Most importantly apart from identifying negative people in your lives, we need to be able to Detox the negative people from your life.
- You need to feel as if you’re worthy of achieving your goals and changing into the person you want to be. Letting go of any negativity in your life will help you get there faster. You've got to be committed to doing this for yourself otherwise your guilt for letting go of certain relationships will keep you in the same place.
- How to realize you’re worth it: Simply. Make the choice and decide that it’s time you committed to yourself, your goals, and your dreams and you won’t let anything stop or slow you down from getting there.
- Think about the negative side effects of holding onto these relationships. Ask yourself:What effect are these relationships having on my life?
- They shoot down your ideas. e.g., They question what you’re doing. They may say something like, “Well, maybe you shouldn't change careers because you have so much job security here. What about your benefits? Or your retirement?” This is pretty common and sometimes subtle and harder to notice. Even though it may sound like they’re giving you advice, in the end they’re just putting more doubts into your head because your actions may bring up their own fears and insecurity.
- Just start. Use whatever method you think is appropriate. Avoid them. Don’t pick up their calls. Apologize for being distant but you don’t need to explain why or defend your actions.
- You don’t have to explain anything to them unless you feel need to because they’re being persistent and pushy. This is because they are probably not in a state of mind to listen to what you have to say anyway and will probably get on the defensive if you try to explain yourself.
- Do it gracefully and with love. Send them off with love and a prayer. Be open to the possibility that if and when they are ready to change and be more positive/supportive, then you would be open to rekindling the relationship.
Stay #Sherified
